I just watched the Washington Redskins lose to the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday Night Football. They got wouped.
I feel their pain.
This year just thrashed me. All of the loss it brought has left me whipped and worn out. For months, I’ve been saying I can’t wait for 2009 to end but, now that it’s nearly over, I feel too tired to go out for New Year’s Eve and see it to its proper conclusion.
The short of it: 2009 saw the start of a relationship, and a bad, mind-blowing end to it; two-thirds of my contract work disappear overnight; my beloved dog die; a financially necessitated move from my charming little house to a friend’s empty condo; and the diagnosis of an autoimmune disorder. There’s been a lot of other stuff in there too, but you get the idea.
One thing piled on top of the other so quickly, I never had time to really grieve for any of them. Now I just feel like I am stuck in a sort of thick fog, not sure where I am or where I am going. It’s rather disconcerting, really. And very, very tiring.
And yet, as the end of a year brings with it a natural sense of reflection, I have to think about all that I’ve found over 2009. A new love of yoga (there’s a studio across the street from the condo). A renewed love of pool. An inner strength I never knew I had. The ability to ask for help when I need it. A deeper sense of my spiritual self.
So, I shall use these as guideposts as I enter 2010, persevering and proceeding slowly until the fog lifts.
Plus, while unpacking some clothes last week, I found a little black dress I thought I had lost long ago. Perfect for New Year’s Eve.